Not much news travels through Driver Dome these days that doesn’t have to do with the illustrious world of professional wrestling, but when I heard Geekade was dedicating a month to the Blue Bomber, I had to jump on board. So what better way to both honor the Mega Man universe and keep it real with fighting spirit than to pair up some robots and robot masters with some grizzled pro wrestlers? Let’s get to it!
GUTS MAN and MARK HENRY – THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MASTERS
This was an easy one. I’m a straight up mark for bruiser tag teams like Bruiser Brody and Stan Hansen, The Road Warriors, Miracle Violence Connection, etc. Imagine a pairing between these two massive bodies. One is legitimately one of the world’s strongest men. The other is a construction site robot gone rogue who can lift really, really heavy things. Don’t expect a lot of finesse and agility from this team, just a whole lot of clobbering and throwing opponents around like ragdolls.
QUICK MAN and FIRE ANT – LIGHT SPEED MARCH
The David Team to Gut’s and Henry’s respective Goliath, this team is nothing but speed, finesse, and super agility. I usually prefer smaller, quicker guys to be paired up with some sort of big bruiser type, but I’m never completely opposed to these junior heavyweight, lightning fast offense teams. Quick Man’s speed would be completely unmatched and a valuable tool in wearing down their opponents. While Fire Ant isn’t nearly as fast, he makes up the difference in pure explosiveness. This hormiga de fuego really has one of the most dynamite offenses I’ve seen from anyone. It’s like he has an infinite supply of energy tanks on him at all times. He goes from getting beat down by an opponent to suicide diving to the outside full throttle in no time. I think this team would be a force to be reckoned with.
BASS and RANDY ORTON – BASSPEX PREDATORS, TEAM RK-LOW
This team is all about attitude and a blatant distrust for one another. Randy Orton and Bass are all about one thing: themselves. Both of these competitors strive to be the very best at what they do and will take any shortcut to get there. Randall has infamously done everything he could to keep or gain his world title. From DDTing Stephanie McMahon, to punting countless opponents in the temple, to taking out legends, to allying himself with The Authority to ensure his place as the face of the company, Orton is as opportunistic as they come. Bass, himself, would stop at nothing to prove that he was the superior robot to Rock or anyone else. What’s more snake-like than gaining Rock’s trust and trashing Light’s lab to steal upgrades? Jerk. Anyway, this team has a very tenuous partnership and will crumble sooner than later, but it’ll do for the time being so they can both get what they want.
ICE MAN and DEAN MALENKO – THE ICE AGE
Some of these teams are a little easier to piece together than others. Pairing up Ice Man and “The Iceman” Dean Malenko? It only brings me pure joy. How does the man of a thousand holds pair up with a robot that functions under sub-zero temperatures? Well, Dean is certainly the captain of this team because while Ice Man is a bit of a goof, Dean is always business-as-usual. Malenko is also widely regarded as one of the best technical wrestlers in the world, so it helps that he would be able to ground his opponents and wear them down with a wide array of submissions and effective, high-impact moves. Ice Man, being no slouch in his own right, can slow down his opponents…with ice. Yep.
QUAKE WOMAN and BAYLEY – A HUG AND A SHAKE
I can’t possibly do this without including a little *ahem* #divasrevolution. I figured I’d shake things up a bit (pun definitely intended) and include a female robot master that was actually created for the Mega Man comic books from Archie Comics (which if you haven’t checked out, you really really should). After an accident nearly destroyed Quake Woman, her creator stripped her of her personality in an attempt to make her seem less human. After a series of events, she decides to give Quake her personality back and she learns to develop feelings and emotions again. The rest of the series’ focus on her usually revolved around this emotional journey, which brings me to Bayley. If there is any diva on that WWE/NXT roster that thrives on pure emotion, it’s her. I’ve been watching wrestling for most of my significant life, and as an adult, I can’t say that very many wrestlers, feuds, or storylines actually elicit any emotion other than some shock from me, but Bayley’s spotlighted struggle and journey to the title is a tear jerker. In the ring, the girl KNOWS how to work the emotional aspect from the crowd. A child was crying at ringside because she was getting her ass kicked, for goodness sake. This team has the potential to inspire little girls everywhere to drop their barbie girls and pick up their blaster– I mean lace up a pair of boots and get in the ring!
BLS and KENNY OMEGA – PROTOTYPEOMEGA.EXE
It’s a little odd for Blues to be on anyone’s team since he moves to the beat of his own drum, or at least to the sound of his own whistle. Consider for a moment, though, that even a lone wolf like “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was in some notable tag teams. In fact, I’m basing this team off of his partnership with Brian Pillman in the Hollywood Blondes. I’m feeling a similar dynamic here. Kenny Omega is certainly a loose cannon in his own right, and is the right amount of oddball to go with Blues’ straight shooting attitude. Plus, Kenny would be hyped as all hell to be teaming with Proto Man.
COLT CABANA and AUTO – COLT’S AUTO PARTS
You know, this one maybe only makes a whole lot of sense to me, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway. Comedy wrestling always has a place in my heart. To me, Colt will forever be the king of comedy in the USA. Colt also likes to play different characters (i.e. Officer Colt Cabana). Imagine this gimmick where Colt dresses up like a mechanic with Auto as his tag partner. Colt inspects opponents while he has them in an armbar, says something is broken, and tosses them to Auto for repair. What does Auto do? He suplexes them on the top of their heads then asks them to pay him 30 screws. I’m a genius.
FINN BÁLOR, TANAHASHI, AND ROCK – THE REAL ROCK ‘N’ ROLLAS
I think it’s important to include a trios team up in this list, and what better way to end this experience than to put together two of the current biggest stars in the wrestling industry with an icon in his own? This is a team built on straight up star power and dominance. Tanahashi reigned in NJPW as the IWGP Heavyweight Champion 7 times, constantly belting out banger matches and being a solid reason behind the reinvigoration of New Japan. Finn Bálor, as Prince Devitt, held the IWGP Junior Heavyweight title 3 times, the tag titles 6 times, and is the current reigning NXT Champion. They’re setting the wrestling world on fire and that’s WITH me leaving out accolades. But do any of them compare to Rock? Rock has stopped the evil Dr. Wily on at least 10 different occasions and that’s also with me leaving out different adventures. He has tirelessly taken on robot masters head on for nearly 4 decades but never once complained about putting over other talent like Blues and Bass. These 3 together have the star power to skyrocket any promotion looking to combine the majesty of pro wrestling with the mechanical perfection of the robot masters straight into the red hot sun.