The Future of Who Revealed? (April Fools)

The recent announcement that, short of a Christmas special, there will be no new Doctor Who episodes in 2016 was a crushing blow to Whovians. Several major aspects of the show are up in the air with Jenna Coleman’s recent departure from the cast and Peter Capaldi’s noncommital stance toward playing the character beyond the upcoming 11th season. However, the latest rumors suggest some rather significant details on the show’s fate, and some of them might surprise you. 

First off, it seems that indeed Capaldi will not return for a 5th season in the eponymous role. The Doctor will regenerate at the end of season 11 and, due to pressure from fans, the new incarnation will in fact be played by a woman. No word on casting yet, but rumor has it Tilda Swinton has expressed interest in the role and how lucky that would that make all of us if it worked out, right?

Executive producer Steven Moffat recently admitted the role of the companion has been cast, though he declined to provide any details. However, we're now hearing that the new companion will actually be companionS, hearkening back to the glory days of the 5th doctor and a Team TARDIS consisting of a math whiz from another dimension, a hopelessly lost Australian flight attendant, and an alien aristocrat. In the interest of updating the cast to appeal to a broader, more modern audience, the new TARDIS crew will consist of an Indian nuclear physicist, a wise-beyond-her-years preteen girl, and an alien who takes the form of a CGI fish in a hover-tank.

The original Team TARDIS. Will the new team live up?

The original Team TARDIS. Will the new team live up?

In addition to a fresh cast, the future of Who will see the return of some beloved characters. Missy will return to team up with the Sontarans in a plot against the Doctor because, well, the world needs more Michelle Gomez and this is one team-up that hasn’t been done yet. River Song will inevitably be back thanks to “some writing loophole or other.” Our favorite news is that Captain Jack Harkness will return. He’s had a memory wipe, has taken control of a league of mysterious assassins, become an archery master, and fathered a secret daughter he has trained in his image. However, he’s still just as horny as ever.

The set will be getting in on the act of refreshing the show’s look. Writers could not reveal details about when, how, or if the console room will be redecorated. However, they were able to share that the TARDIS chameleon circuit will be altered, allowing the TARDIS exterior to appear in multiple different forms. Exact determinations will be left to the set designers and depend heavily on budget, but we’re told their wishlist includes “an ice cream truck, an ornate mahogany casket, a set of school lockers, and a medium-sized dog kennel.”

And in a final shocking revelation, we’ve learned that no episodes will take place on Earth in the 20th or 21st century!!!