Cerulean City, I have arrived.
As I continued my travels up Mt. Moon, I came across Cerulean City. The first thing I encountered was a sign talking about Misty: The Tomboyish Mermaid. Okay, game. It’s like that, is it? “The Tomboyish Mermaid”? Is there an actual mermaid in this town? Is the mermaid a pokemon who acts like a boy? Is Misty a person who has been nicknamed mermaid? How exactly the heck does one acquire the nickname “Tomboyish Mermaid”? Seriously, what in the name of Squirtle is that supposed to mean? You know what? Nevermind. Let’s move on.
I spent a little more time traversing the town. I found the Pokemon Center and got my little friends back into fighting shape. While I was there, I noticed a kid sitting on a bench. As soon as I approached him, he blurted out “BILL has lots of POKEMON!” Uhh… sure kid. I bet he does. Don’t bother saying hello or anything. Just jump straight to Bill. Bill who? Is there only one Bill in the Pokemon universe? Wouldn’t surprise me since I keep meeting people with names like Red, Brock, and Misty. Bill must be down right exotic around here. You know what? Nevermind. Let’s move on.
As I kept exploring the neighborhood, I learned that this Bill character seems to be the talk of the town. In fact, before I even made it out of the Pokemon Center, at least one more person accosted me, singing the praises of the almighty Bill. I get it, Bill is my next target. I would have thought that finding Misty at the gym would be more important, but way to toss me a curveball, game. Bill it is. Bill, who has lots of Pokemon, and is clearly more important that holding any sort of actual conversation with another human being, or tracking down these Team Rocket bozos I’ve been hunting for their bad fashion sense, (and possible malevolence). I mean, it wasn’t that long ago that everyone was bitching about Team Rocket, and now, it’s Bill, Bill, Bill. You know what? Nevermind. Let’s move on.
I’m looking for Bill, and I come across a bike shop. I could use a bike. I have some cash. Let’s go inside. I go to the counter and see a cool bike. it costs $1,000,000. Okay, not dollars, whatever Pokemon fun money these lunatics use in this world, but you get the picture. These assholes want a million dollars for a bike. Does this bike get up in the morning and make toast for me? Will it make my previously adorable Squirtle stop looking like a jackass? Will it fend off Zubats? I mean, I’ve seen some expensive bikes in my day, but 1,000,000 bucks? Get bent, bike shop owner. I don’t want to shop at your crappy store, anyway. You have, like, 4 bikes in the whole place, and your store looks like a house. You should be ashamed of yourself! You know what? Nevermind. Let’s move on.
Actually, I’m done. clearly I’m ill-equipped to deal with this level of insanity right now. A bike costs a million dollars, there’s some sort of mermaid in a gym, BILL has lots of POKEMON, and my Squirtle is still dressed like some sort of ancient Roman postal worker. That’s enough for one day.