WILW: Giant Gonzalez

Last year for Geekade’s 31 Days of Halloween, I took a look at some of my favorite “scary” superstars. These were guys that took a goofy gimmick and made it work for them, at least in my opinion. So, instead of just highlighting more of the good stuff, this year I wanted to take a look at the bad. You see, wrestling is inherently silly. Grown men, in tights (tight, tights), beating each other up, silly. But, as can be seen over the course of this column, I love it. When done well, these types of characters can be A Nightmare on Elm Street; when done poorly they can Freddy’s New Nightmare. So sit back and enjoy this month’s focus… if you dare of some such pseudo scary bullshit.

Poor Jorge Gonzalez. I mean, just look at that. How in the bluest of hells am I supposed to be scared of that? In a sport full of half naked men here was a guy wearing a full spandex suit, of a half naked man. And hair, lots and lots of hair. The 7ft 9in Gonzalez made his debut as El Gigante for WCW and had a decent if unmemorable career there. He was a face and wore shorts and a terrible mesh shirt. Because reasons. And then he signed with WWE. To wrestle the Undertaker. As a heel monster under the tutelage of one Harvey Wimpleman. He was supposed to be scary. He was supposed to make kids fear for the safety of the Undertaker. He was supposed to be a monster. Instead, he was a joke. A giant, hairy-ass joke. His feud with the Undertaker was underwhelming to say the least and when they tried to turn him face, no one cared. He retired about a year later after having a few matches in Japan and died at the age of 44 due to diabetes and kidney complications. It’s a shame that his WWE career fizzled because there was potential. But when that suit is your debut, you’ve got no chance. Join me next week as I humbly present to you another terrible scary gimmick. Until then…

Dan Ryan

Dan Ryan was once the most feared and respected luchador in the world until the "Great DDT Disaster of '85" where Dan unfortunately DDT'd his opponent so hard into the ground that he opened a gate to the underworld that let unholy things into this world. After that, Dan refused to wrestle anymore but he's found new life writing and talking about his favorite hobbies here at Geekade. He pens the weekly Why I Love Wrestling series, co-hosts The Stone Age Gamer Podcast, expertly pairs video games with beer, and much, much more. Dan is a personality that Geekade simply would not be the same without.

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