Pokemon Propitiation: Day 118

Pewter City, like damn near everywhere in this world, is a weird place.

Of course he does...
Of course he does…

As any good gamer will tell you, towns are good for three things: NPC’s with useful information, NPC’s with useless information, and places to restore your health/get new items. Pewter City did not disappoint. Having put my Pokemon through the gauntlet in the woods earlier for grinding purposes, I sought out the nearest Pokemon Center to get everyone back in tip top shape. I believe this is where I encountered my very first Jigglypuff. I saw it standing in a corner. I talked to it. It sang me a song. It was lovely.

Anyway, After walking around town, I learned a few things. First, some assholes calling themselves Team Rocket are up to something up north. I’m certain I’ll have to deal with this later, but for now, I’ll just imagine that anyone idiotic enough to be galavanting about calling themselves “Team Rocket” shouldn’t be too much of a threat. Second, there’s some dude named Brock who wants to challenge me. Or maybe everyone in town wants me to challenge him, I’m a little vague on that point. Either way, the game clearly wants me to fight this Brock dude. So much so, that at one point, while I was making my way through talking to everyone in town, this kid told me to follow him to the local gym. The game then hijacked my character, and made me walk with this kid to the outside of the gym. Fine, game. I’ll go in and say hi, but I’m pretty sure I’m not ready to face off against a gym leader.

So I walk in, and I should have seen this coming. Apparently Brock has some disciples who feel the need to throw Pokemon at anyone who even approaches the guy in order to weed out the riffraff, I guess. So, this moron assumes that because I walked through the doors that I must be there to challenge the almighty Brock, and throws down. Me, having wanted nothing more than to walk around the city, see the sights, and be on my way, I’m ready to beat the shit out of this guy just to shut him up. But, not letting my rage get the best of me, I take it as an opportunity to learn, and possibly level my guys up. I bust out some of my weaker Pokemon, and wouldn’t you know it, he knocks out my Caterpie! THIS INJUSTICE WILL NOT STAND! I bust out my Squirtle, and the match is over quickly. Because Squirtle is awesome.

The only sentient being in Pewter City that doesn't care if I fight Brock. 
The only sentient being in Pewter City that doesn’t care if I fight Brock. 

It’s worth mentioning that this Jr. Trainer told a pretty good joke. Before the fight, he said “You’re still light-years from facing Brock!” Then, after getting trounced by me, he said “Darn! Light-years isn’t time! It measures distance.” Well played, Pokemon writers. Well played.

So, after that mess, I figure I’ve come this far, let me at least introduce myself to this Bock guy, since apparently he’s the bee’s knees and this trip to the gym shouldn’t be a complete waste of time. I don’t know why I expected any different, but Brock is just like every other psychopath in this game, and immediately challenged me to a duel.

Ugh… Fine.

I’m not going to lie, I was slightly intimidated. This guy has a reputation. He’s a Gym Leader. That’s gotta mean something, right? He busts out some rock types, and I immediately take the offensive. I hit him with some of my weaker guys, just to see what kind of damage they can do. It’s not much. Granted, they were holding their own, but these rock guys just weren’t responding to any of my attacks. I find it best to save my heaviest weapons for last, so Squirtle was left to sit by the sidelines while I poked and prodded these things, looking for a weakness. As it turned out, my fears were unwarranted, as Brock’s Pokemon rarely bothered to attack me. They just kept upping their defense until I couldn’t do any real damage to them. Things were getting to a point where it would have taken me hours to wear them down, so I pulled out the ol’ Squirrel, and what do you know? It’s super effective!

As it turns out, my water based attacks were completely devastating. I won the match in no time flat, and the mighty Brock was defeated. He gave me his Boulder Badge, which I guess is a good thing, and told me to head to Cerulean City to challenge another gym leader. Why not? I don’t have anything else to do, right?

So, my question is, how the heck did Brock get to be a gym leader? And what the fuck is up with his creepy death pose? He’s just standing there with his arms crossed like he’s in a coffin, or a member of KISS or something. Seriously, I haven’t been playing this game very long, and I certainly haven’t put a ton of effort into training my team. There was nothing to brag about in defeating this doofus. He just sat there and told his team to defend. If he could have been bothered to actually attack, he would have beaten me easily. Or at least he could have put up a fight before I realized that Squirtle could eff up his day like that.

So, I guess I’m heading north to see what Team Rocket is up to, and I suppose I’ll head to Cerulean City to find another gym leader to beat up on.

In summation: Brock is a moron.

Kris Randazzo

Kris is the Content Supervisor of Geekade. As an avid consumer of all things video game, Kris spent his formative years collecting cartridges, CDs, discs, and assorted paraphernalia in an effort to amass a video game collection large enough to kill an elephant. He works with Stone Age Gamer, writing for their blog and hosting the Stone Age Gamer Podcast right here at Geekade. He's also the host of the WaveBack Podcast, co-host of This Week's Episode, and can occasionally be found in the pages of Nintendo Force Magazine.

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