Pokemon Propitiation: Day 283

Ooh boy, it’s been a while, but I finally found some time to get back behind the wheel of my GBA SP. Thankfully, even after a 2 month hiatus, getting back into Pokémon was just like riding a bike. Or so I would imagine. I don’t have $1,000,000 to spend on a bike, so I can only speak hypothetically.

Everyone wants to fight! Why can't I just say hello to anyone? Everyone wants to fight! Why can’t I just say hello to anyone?

Attempting to remember what the heck I was doing 2 months ago, I recalled 2 things: There’s someone named Bill, and I’m standing near a gym. So, into the gym I go. As I walk inside, I’m perplexed by what I’m looking at. The entirety of this structure is a giant pool with some sort of jagged walkway plowing through it. I head to the right, walk along the wall, and I come across someone swimming in the water. Actually, he’s just floating there, looking at me. I say hi, he has nothing important to say, and I move on. Weird. So, I go back around to the front, walk through this oddly shaped path and head to the back of the gym, where I’m assuming this Misty mermaid person is. But, before I can get close enough to investigate the girl who is standing at the end of the path, lording over this pool like some sort of chlorine-fueled dictator, I get jumped by another trainer. This crazy girl says something to the effect of me not being able to fight Misty unless I go through her first. Well lady, if you insist.

Seriously, who built this place? Seriously, who built this place?

She’s got a pretty tough Goldeen. She knocks out a few of my weaker Pokémon, but it wasn’t long before she was all done, exclaiming her disappointment in how good I am. You know what? I just wanted to see who this Misty person was. I didn’t even want a fight. You were the one who jumped me. Is there something about my outfit that screams “THROW YOUR POKEBALLS AT ME WITH RECKLESS ABANDON?” I didn’t think so, but the citizens of Pokémon Blue seem to think otherwise. Now, you’d think I’d be pretty annoyed at this point, but in actuality, I was in a pretty good mood. Sure, crazy people keep running at me and beating up my pets, but the music is so good, and the actual gameplay is engaging. It did a good job of keeping my spirits up, and my demeanor calm.

Anyway, by now I’ve learned that anyone who seems to be in a position of power is probably going to challenge me the moment I go and talk to them. So, having just beat the snot out of Misty’s bodyguard/fangirl/whatever-the-heck-she-was, I left the gym and healed my team up before getting into it. I tried mixing them up a bit to combat what I was sure would be an onslaught of powerful water types, but I really didn’t have anything worth switching. With the exception of the team I’m currently carrying, my Pokémon aren’t all that impressive. Oh well, off I go.

I walk right up to Misty, and like I expected, she wants to fight. But, at least she was very polite about it! So far, she might be the first person I feel bad about beating. Which was a feeling that didn’t last long, because I lost. I started out with my Magikarp, because I always start with that thing just to get experience for it, then put it away so it doesn’t get killed. (I’m certain it’s going to pay off in the end. It can’t just be a useless fish.) I switched to my Geodude because he’s super strong, has killer defense, and can usually buy me time to feel out my opponent. He was killed with one attack. One damn move? Not much in the way of wiggle room, is there? By the time I got around to putting my Wartortle in, Misty had cut through my team like salted butter. One hit kills left and right. I figured out my strategy, but it was too late. I had lost, and it was game over.

Well, at least she was polite.

Now that I knew what not to do, I went right back to the gym and beat Misty’s Pokémon senseless. After winning, I got a TMS, and a new badge, that supposedly can cut down bushes. I remember there being a bush-like thing in my way in the south end of the city, so my next goal was clear. However, I wanted to try this TMS thing out. I actually had a few of them laying around in my inventory. I guess I just wasn’t paying attention when I got them. I saw that this new one I got was for a water-type Pokémon . Magikarp, you’ve finally got an offensive move! Except that it’s not compatible with Magikarp. What the hell? Honestly, it doesn’t get much more “water-type” than a god damned fish! Whatever, game. I’m going to keep leveling him up on my own, and I don’t need your stupid offensive maneuvers. You keep splashing, boy. You splash ’em good. Anyway, I gave it to my Wartortle, and in the process accidentally erased the move “Tackle” from his arsenal. Well shit. I liked that move. I used it all the damn time!  And there’s no going back. Ugh.

I have faith in you. I have faith in you.

I headed south to try and cut down that bush, and for the life of me I can’t figure it out. I don’t seem to have any actual option to use this damn badge, nor do I have an option to cut anything, let alone this anemic-looking bush that’s standing between me and forward progress. Seriously, there aren’t that many buttons to press. I mean, I should be able to just walk around the stupid thing, but this is retro game logic. I get it. After several infuriating minutes (again quelled by the delightful soundtrack) I decided to give up and just go north. It’s been 2 months since I got to this town, and I honestly don’t remember what was up there.

As I’m walking, Red shows up and challenges me, boasting about all the Pokémon he’s caught, how full his Pokédex was, and something else that sounded to me like “Please beat me and my Pokémon up. Please, please, please!” So I did. I don’t know what this guy’s deal is, but I’m always happy to get some easy experience points. However, I then started across a bridge and 5 trainers wanted to challenge me. Five. You know what? No. I really don’t feel like dealing with these assholes. It’s late, I’m tired, and I want to cross a bridge. But no, this bridge is covered in trainers who can’t leave well enough alone. Time to hit “save” and call it a night.

After turning off my Game Boy, several questions floated through my head. What happened to Team Rocket? Where’s Bill? Will I ever get a bike? Why can’t I have my Squirtle back? Hopefully it won’t be another 2 months before I solve these mysteries.

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Kris Randazzo

Kris is the Content Supervisor of Geekade. As an avid consumer of all things video game, Kris spent his formative years collecting cartridges, CDs, discs, and assorted paraphernalia in an effort to amass a video game collection large enough to kill an elephant. He works with Stone Age Gamer, writing for their blog and hosting the Stone Age Gamer Podcast right here at Geekade. He's also the host of the WaveBack Podcast, co-host of This Week's Episode, and can occasionally be found in the pages of Nintendo Force Magazine.

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