Pokemon Propitiation: Day 326

Feeling freshly energized, I decided to brave the bridge. I went back to the Pokémon Center and got my team all healed up. On my way back to the bridge though, I noticed a house with someone guarding the door. Turns out it was a cop. He told me the house had been robbed, apparently by Team Rocket. I guess that answers my question of what happened to those jackasses. Apparently they’ve graduated from general douchebaggery to breaking and entering. I do hope they were wearing those stupid outfits at the time.

Yeah? You don't regret standing on this bridge all day? 
Yeah? You don’t regret standing on this bridge all day? 

After realizing that I couldn’t go into the house (I guess it’s a crime scene or something. Sure game, let’s start worrying about realism now), I made my way to the bridge. The assholes, I mean trainers, that were standing there doing absolutely nothing but waiting there on a bridge for someone to come along and fight with, seemingly blowing off all other societal functions like eating, sleeping, and working, were handled with relative ease. Every time things got dicey, I’d head back to the Pokémon Center to recharge, which was time-consuming, but there’s only five of these idiots to deal with, right? After fighting my way across the bridge, I got a prize. It’s a nugget. Yay. Just what I always…wanted? A nugget of what, exactly? Gold? Chicken? Whatever.

Anyway, at the end of the bridge, some asshat tells me I’ve got what it takes to join up with Team Rocket. After carefully considering my options for about 1 millionth of a second, I decided that I didn’t want to be a poorly dressed clown who breaks into people’s houses and carries a whip for no discernable reason. He was insulted, we fought, I won, no one was surprised, I moved on. Managed to level up the ol’ Magikarp in the process, too. So at least there’s that.

Not sure exactly how much hiking he's doing with that physique.
Not sure exactly how much hiking he’s doing with that physique.

Now that I’m on the other side of this bridge, it’s time to explore! I take a few steps and I’m jumped by a fat hiker. Then I was jumped by some girl. Then I took a second to look ahead, and the 5 pricks on the bridge were just the snowflakes on top of the dumbass iceberg. Turns out I’ve entered a seemingly endless asshole parade! What a day to be me! As I walk into one challenge after another, one of these dolts says something about going to see Bill. Actually, I believe his exact words were “You’re going to see Bill? Let’s fight!” Okay. First, how did you know I was going to see Bill? Second, why does the revelation that I’m on my way to see the mythical Bill make you want to fight me? Third, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IN THIS CITY? How does anyone get anything done? Do you want to go to the grocery store? Gonna have to cross that bridge, and while you’re at it, fight this cavalcade of morons on the way. You want to buy a bike? Prepare to mortgage your house several thousand times over! Want to talk to someone in a gym? Not without having to throw your pets at their pets first!

So, that's Bill? Yes. You did screw up.
So, that’s Bill? Yes. You did screw up.

A few minutes later, I finally arrive at Bill’s. He lives in a cottage, and it turns out he’s some sort of half-Pokémon hybrid freak because of an experiment he was working on. I don’t know what I was expecting, but sure. We’ll do this. I grabbed the nearby cell separator (because Bill just happens to have one lying around) and just like that, he’s a dude again. Bully for me.

In order to thank me for my brave cell-separating services to the almighty Bill, he gives me a cruise ticket. Because just like the cell separator, HE JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE SOME LYING AROUND. Nope. That’s enough for one day. The sheer amount of crazy on display knows no bounds. None at all. 

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Kris Randazzo

Kris is the Content Supervisor of Geekade. As an avid consumer of all things video game, Kris spent his formative years collecting cartridges, CDs, discs, and assorted paraphernalia in an effort to amass a video game collection large enough to kill an elephant. He works with Stone Age Gamer, writing for their blog and hosting the Stone Age Gamer Podcast right here at Geekade. He's also the host of the WaveBack Podcast, co-host of This Week's Episode, and can occasionally be found in the pages of Nintendo Force Magazine.

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