The Geekade/Colon Cancer Alliance Pain-in-the-Ass-a-Thon is Coming!
UPDATE! The donations page is live RIGHT NOW! If you can’t make it to the livstream and you would still like to donate to the cause, you can do so here
Geekade is teaming up with the Colon Cancer Alliance for a 24-hour fundraising livestream event on the Geekade Twitch channel! Have a look.
That’s right! On Saturday, August 20th at 10am EST, Geekade will start streaming games that are a “pain in the ass” for one reason or another, and we won’t stop for at least 24 hours. It’s all in order to raise money for the Colon Cancer Alliance. We’ve got a donation page all set up so all the money will go directly to the charity. So, what’s on the schedule? Have a look!
The first matchup of the day will be Kris and Dean from the Stone Age Gamer Podcast vs. Knuckles’ Chaotix for Sega 32X.
What makes it a pain in the ass? Besides the innate pain involved in hooking up and playing a 32X (as far as I know it’s the only game system in history that actually screams in pain when you play it) Chaotix is a bright and colorful Sonic the Hedgehog spinoff where you play as 2 characters rubber-banded together. So whenever you try to run fast, you had better hope the other guy wants to run fast too, otherwise you’ll wind up just tripping over one another the whole time. In fact, that’s pretty much this game’s theme. It’s frustrating, to say the least.
Next up, at 1pm Cengiz from the You Shall Not Pass Go podcast will be tackling the intensely awesome VVVVVV.
What makes it a pain in the ass? Unlike Chaotix, VVVVVV is an awesome game. However, it’s tough as nails. It s a platformer where instead of jumping, you reverse gravity. Fortunately, you have infinite lives, because one hit from anything and you’re dead. It’s an incredibly fun game, but if you frustrate easily, there’s definitely some controller throwing potential.
Then at 3pm, Dean and Announcer Guy from The Paper Cuts Podcast will be donning their strawberry boxers for an honest attempt at beating Ghosts N Goblins on NES.
What makes it a pain in the ass? What doesn’t make this game a pain in the ass? This is one of the games that defines old-school hard. There are monsters and death traps absolutely everywhere. It’s unreasonably brutal, but the Vest is not afraid. And with the one and only Announcer Guy by his side, They can’t lose! (Actually, they can. A lot).
Next, starting at 5pm, Jonathan Fugger (author of Welcome to the D-List) will be tackling the Sega Genesis exclusive Mega Man: The Wily Wars. In case you’re unfamiliar, it’s a weird 16-bit remake of the first 3 Mega Man titles. Think Super Mario All-Stars for Super NES, but way more strange.
What makes it a pain in the ass? the original Mega Man game is tough. Like, really tough. But when Jonathan volunteered to play it for the PITAthon, Kris had a more nefarious plan in mind. Why not play Mega Man: The Wily Wars instead? It’s got the first 3 Mega Man games in it, plus new original levels too! Plus, the controls are all weird, so the games are even harder than they were on the NES. Plus, Jonathan’s never played this version before! We anticipate many a curse word to accompany this one.
Starting at 8pm, Evan Goldstein, host of This Wek’s Episode will be going up against Iron Mike Tyson in this much beloved classic. He doesn’t play many video games, but he does have one advantage. His TWEPcast co-host Kris will be there to guide him as his own personal Doc Louis.
What makes it a pain in the ass? Because this game is HARD! Especially Mike Tyson himself. Like we said, Evan isn’t much of a retro gamer. And to be honest, we’re not sure he’s even played this game before. It requires twitch reflexes and pattern memorization in the highest order. How far will Evan get? Will he be stop the Bull Charge? Can he beat the ear biter himself???
Starting at 10pm, The Stone Age Gamer Podcast’s Kris Randazzo gets back behind the controller for an exercise in pain. He will be taking on SwordQuest: Fireworld for Atari 2600, and it’s going to be ugly.
What makes it a pain in the ass? The SwordQuest games have an incredibly cool mythology behind them. They were originally intended to be sequels to Adventure for 2600, but eventually became their own thing. There was a crazy national contest attached to them where you could win real life treasures (some of which are lost forever) if you were able to figure out all the secrets in the game. If you’ve ever read the book Ready Player One, you know what this is. Ultimately, SwordQuest is an exercise in obtuse game design. It barely makes any sense, it’s ugly as sin, and it’s just not fun. Like, at all. Kris has never played any of the SwordQuest games before, but he’s got one hour to try and make this one cry uncle.
Then at 11, Dave from You Shall Not Pass Go tries his hand at P. T. with Cengiz as his corner man.
What makes it a pain in the ass? Well, between the demo itself being astonishingly spooky, P. T. has vanished from the face of the Earth, and the demo being seemingly unbeatable, P. T. is an unconventional pain in the ass, but a pain nonetheless. If you don’t already own it, chances are you never will. And that’s a shame, because this game rules. Anyway, you’ll get to watch Dave scream like a child while onlookers laugh at his misery. You should absolutely join them in the fun.
At the stroke of midnight, Kris from the WaveBack and Stone Age Gamer podcasts will attempt to beat one of the legendary CD-i Zelda games, Link: Faces of Evil!
What makes it a pain in the ass? More like, what doesn’t make this game a pain in the ass? Absolutely everything about Link: Faces of Evil is terrible. It looks bad, it plays even worse, and it’s an insult to the franchise it’s technically a part of. The only saving grace here is that Kris will be using a special doodad that will allow him to control the game with a Super NES controller. Even still, the word “frustrating” barely begins to cover what it’s like to actually play this game. He’ll have 4 hours to complete his task. We’ll see if Kris has what it takes to beat this abomination once and for all.
Once 4am hits, we’ll be taking you live to Hawaii where Brandon Cruz from Submitted For Your Approval and Apathetic Enthusiasm will start his 2-hour mystery tour. Who knows what strange and wonderful/awful games he will present? Apparently, not even him! I guess we’ll have to wait and see!
And here it is. The grudge match to end all grudge matches. Dean from the Paper Cuts Podcast will take on his nemesis Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind for Super NES.
What makes it a pain in the ass? Bubsy and Dean go way back, and Bubsy has always won. Truth be told, Bubsy isn’t the worst game on the planet. In fact, the first game in his sereis is actually pretty competent. The sequels got progressively worse, but fortunately for Dean, his beef is with the original. It’s essentially a Sonic the Hedgehog clone with really awful one-liners, touchy controls, one-hit kills, and a surprisingly good soundtrack. This game may actually kill Dean, especially after him having been awake for so long, but one thing is guaranteed: It’s going to be fun to watch.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! We’ve still got some surprises headed your way involving stretch goals. But, if we hit $1000 total donations, we’ll keep playing, and the games on the docket are some real killers. Here are a few examples of the torture we’ll be putting ourselves through if we hit our goals:
And we’ve got even more in the chamber, so if you want to see more, make sure you spread the word!
OH YEAH, THERE’S PRIZES!
The super cool folks at A Video Game Con have donated some FREE TICKETS to their show for us to give away during the marathon. We’ll have more information on exactly how to win closer to the event, so stay tuned!
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!
The fine folks at Stone Age Gamer have agreed to match your donations up to $1000! So if we earn $1000, they’ll throw down another $1000 on top of that, effectively doubling our total! There’s huge potential here to raise a lot of money for a good cause!
Plus, the also-fine folks at Level Up Entertainment have agreed to match total donations up to $250! That’s a whole lot of dollars!
And that’s the rundown. Again, the event kicks off August 20th at 10am on the Geekade Twitch channel. Come watch us play pain in the ass games, donate a few dollars to a good cause, and make our pain their gain. See you there!
