Pokemon Propitiation: Day 819

The importance of saving one’s game can not be overstated. 

Rarely have I appreciated this screen so much.
Rarely have I appreciated this screen so much.

I may have mentioned here before that my son has gained an affinity for Rhythm Heaven. As it turns out, an excellent new Rhythm Heaven game recently came out on 3DS. 3DS is also where I’ve been playing Pokemon Blue, and lately, I’ve been hauling ass. I’ve gotten into a nice rhythm of playing again on a regular basis and have without a doubt surpassed my previous attempted playthrough’s progress point. I’m seeing new stuff, and I’ve got stories to tell. But a few days ago, my beloved son wanted to play Rhythm Heaven Megamix with me. So he went into my room, grabbed my 3DS, which had my current Pokemon game suspended, opened it up, and somehow managed to quit the game without saving (he’s only 3 and doesn’t really know how to operate my 3DS) effectively killing about 3 days of progress. Considering that this is day 819 and I’ve only just beaten the 3rd gym leader, you can see how losing 3 days of progress is pretty painful. I’m also just now looking at a list of gym leaders, and I certainly have a long road ahead of me. Anyway…

Not sure this constitutes a city, but whatever. 
Not sure this constitutes a city, but whatever. 

Before my game got bumped back, I found myself in Vermilion City. I had dealt with the Team Rocket asshole who robbed that dude’s house and decided to just chill in the backyard instead of, you know, going anywhere. Now it was time to see the sights. I went through a suspicious tunnel because some guards told me they were thirsty or something. No really, I have no idea what the living shit that was about. They aren’t even blocking the way. I could just leisurely stroll past them and they’d never catch me. They’re behind giant desks. Ugh, whatever. Just let an unaccompanied minor traverse some underground tunnels to get to the next town. I swear, I don’t know what’s weirder, the people of this world or its geography. Once I made it out of the tunnel, I came across some grassy patches, and wouldn’t you know, there was a whole group of assholes just standing there in the grass waiting to challenge me to a duel. Well, jokes on you jerks, because I’ve been grinding my Pokemon like a motherfucker, and I am ready to kick all of the ass.

My Wartortle still looks like an fool, but he’s a powerhouse. Also, I’ve managed to bring my entire team up to his level, so I’ve got a bunch of fairly strong dudes ready for almost any situation. I’ve got my Geodude who as long as there’s no water around seems nigh invincible, my Pikachu for equal parts ass kicking and adorability, and my Ratatta, my first buddy, ready to kick ass and take names. And ass I did kick. These fools didn’t know what hit them. In hindsight, I’m pretty fortunate I got the chance to do this part over again, because it’s these idiots who are the real treasure troves of experience points, and I was about to get my first Meowth. I don’t know why, but I like this little guy. I don’t understand his payday attack, but he does some decent damage, and he’s cute. When I had to start over and re-catch Meowth, I did it without challenging any of these jokers to a fight first, and was able to get him a nice little boost of XP in a short period of time. 

The other thing I started doing before the great deletion was check out the S.S. Anne. The great and powerful Bill had given me a ticket after all, so why not have a look around. It was here where I had my first genuinely reasonable Pokemon battle. The first room I walked into had an old man in it. I walked up to him and he basically just freaked out at me for walking into his room uninvited. You know what? I’d yell at me too. I had just become so accustomed to everyone being completely insane in this game, that when this dude was like “What the fuck are you doing in my room? Get out or I’m gonna kick your ass!” and threw his pets at me, I genuinely felt bad about winning. What kind of asshole wanders into a stranger’s room on a cruise ship? Apparently, this asshole. I truly am one with the world of Pokemon now. 

So majestic.
So majestic.

As I traveled from room to room, I came to understand that this boat was just chock full of shit heads just waiting for people to walk in and challenge. Me, being on a mission to level up my Meowth, kept tossing him out and seeing how far he could get in battle. Every time his health got low, I’d walk all the way back to town ad heal him up at the pokemon center. Time consuming? yes. Efficient? Fuck no. But it’s the only option that doesn’t involve me blowing all my cash on potions, so whatever. On one of my trips back I realized that I was walking on a long dock to get to and from the ship. I also remembered that some dude gave me a fishing rod at some point. So I gave it a shot and what do you know? I’m in a battle with a Magikarp!

I’m pretty sure I had one of these bastards the last time I played this game, but I can’t for the life of me remember how I came across it. All I know is that I wanted him to have a good life and get strong, so I trained him as best I could. I did not, however, have a Magikarp in my roster this go around. I immediately threw a Pokeball at this little guy and made him my own. It was shortly after this when my game got zapped. Again, it was a blessing in disguise because this time around I caught the Magikarp before going into the ship in the first place, and by the time I was done with the S.S. Anne, my fishy friend was leveled up enough to actually throw an attack at someone! Not an effective one, mind you, but an attack nonetheless. 

At some point when I was  going back and forth to various places grinding or healing, I found some dude who wanted to trade a bird for a duck. I don’t remember the name of the thing, but it had an apostrophe in its name, which sounded exotic, so I went for it. I’m glad I did, because it seems to be the only pokemon I have that can learn cut, which I can finally do. I learned it from the captain of the S.S. Anne. He wasn’t feeling very well. I met him after beating up a bunch of sailors. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I’d have an occasion to write that string of sentences. 

This “puzzle” was a remarkable waste of my time. 

Fortified with my cut ability, I cut down a branch and checked out the gym and its leader, Lt. Surge. The thought occurred to me, how did all these people get into this gym if that plant was in the way? Can everyone in this game besides me just walk past things like trees? Whatever. It’s gym leader time. I had my group all set and ready for a fierce battle. The few times I’ve fought gym leaders before this were long yet ultimately winnable battles. I was ready for the long haul, but instead I beat his ass into the ground. See, by this point, I had not only leveled my guys up enough to be a virtual murder squad, but my Ratatta had managed to evolve into a Raticate. AND SHIT GOT REAL. I love this guy. If I was in the game, I would have yelled at my squirtle and said “Look at this motherfucker right here. This is how you evolve. Not with those dorky ear wings or whatever they are!” Oh man, I feel like every time I pull this guy out the pokemon on the other end is crapping their nonexistent pants. Raticate looks fucking terrifying. I love him dearly. So with Raticate on hand, and the rest of my crew, Lt. Surge (who looks an awful lot like Street Fighter’s Guile) went down. Even his Raichu, which I will admit was kind of intimidating at first, but the whole fight was like nothing. Weird. 

After leaving with my shiny new badge, I headed in the only direction I hadn’t gone yet (mostly because I have completely forgotten what the plot is at this point) and came across some more assholes with nothing better to do than toss their pets at strangers, and something called Diglett’s cave. I walked around in there for about 5 minutes and called it a day. 

I have less than 200 days before I hit 1000 days at this. Do you think I can do it? I certainly hope so…

Kris Randazzo

Kris is the Content Supervisor of Geekade. As an avid consumer of all things video game, Kris spent his formative years collecting cartridges, CDs, discs, and assorted paraphernalia in an effort to amass a video game collection large enough to kill an elephant. He works with Stone Age Gamer, writing for their blog and hosting the Stone Age Gamer Podcast right here at Geekade. He's also the host of the WaveBack Podcast, co-host of This Week's Episode, and can occasionally be found in the pages of Nintendo Force Magazine.

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