Pokemon Propitiation: Day 423

While I wait to decide whether or not to give up on my game and just get the digital versions, I decided to play a little more, just for funsies. Of course, it had been a while, so…

I was still at Bill’s house. Now like I said, it’s been a while since I’ve played, and I had no idea where to go. I remembered there being a house that was robbed, so I headed in that general direction. Turns out that was the right thing to do, because while I couldn’t get in the house before seeing Bill, I could totally get in now. Why did my visiting Bill allow me access to the robbed house? Who knows? Makes about as much sense as half the crap I’ve done. 

You don't need to finish that sentence. Your police force is a bunch of morons. THE GUY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS IN THE BACK YARD! HE ISN'T EVEN HIDING! HE'S JUST STANDING THERE.
You don’t need to finish that sentence. Your police force is a bunch of morons. THE GUY YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IS IN THE BACK YARD! HE ISN’T EVEN HIDING! HE’S JUST STANDING THERE.

I saw that the house was a mess, and the guy inside said his Pokemon ability thing was stolen. I can’t remember what they’re called, so let’s just call it Taco. His Taco was stolen, and he was pretty broken up about it. The thief escaped through a hole in the back wall, so I went through, and wouldn’t you know, the thief didn’t escape. He’s just standing in the backyard. The cops were investigating this FOR HOURS. I’ve been wandering around town like a jackass, fighting gym leaders, trying to figure out how to cut a bush down, and traveling all over creation, and the thief is just standing in the back yard this whole time? Dude’s not even hiding. He’s just standing there. So I walk up to him, and execute Operation Taco Recovery. 

The only problem was, I forgot to heal my Pokemon after I left Bill’s. I wasn’t exactly in good shape. 2 of my guys were down, and the rest weren’t looking too hot. Fortunately, this Team Rocket jackass was just as much of a jackass as the rest of the jackasses, and went down without too much trouble. It was close, but I won, and sent that moron packing. Oh, and I got the Taco back. So bonus. 

I went back inside, where the cops were still completely ignoring the presence of the Team Rocket jackass they were looking for and brought the taco back to its rightful owner. Except now he doesn’t care. Apparently this taco that was the deepest of all losses isn’t that big a deal after all, and he lets me keep it. So I use it, and it teaches one of my Pokemon “Dig.”Okay, maybe I can dig my way out of this freaking insane asylum of a town, since I can’t cut my way out because I still can’t figure out how to use cut. 

The next step was to find a path that was blocked, and use dig. I pressed the button, and Professor Oak contqacts me telepathically or something and yells at me saying “Now isn’t the time for digging” or some crap like that. Oh? There’s a time for digging? There’s an asshole selling bikes for a million dollars, a cop who can’t find a criminal 10 feet away from him, and a girl everyone calls a mermaid for no god damn reason, and I’m the asshole for trying to dig a hole? Why am I taking orders from this guy, anyway? I’m out here cataloging Pokemon for him for no other reason than he asked me to. He’s not my Dad. He’s not even my friend. He’s the chief nutbag in Nutbag Land. But fine. If these are the rules, these are the rules. I’ll just head south. South is a good direction. 

Oh. My. GOD.
Oh. My. GOD.

I found an underground passage. I’m told that people lose stuff in there. I made it to the other side. Guess what. I didn’t lose anything.  Thanks for the warning, game. On theothe rside of the passage was a field. Now, I shouldn’t be surprised here, but this random field in the middle of nowhere was, you guessed it, populated by complete assholes who want to beat up my pets for no adequate reason. I was about to turn my game off and go to sleep becasue I was very tired at this point, but then something awesome happened. I WAS ATTACKED BY A PIKACHU!!!

See, as someone who has never played Pokemon before, Pikachu is the creature I’ve had the most contact with. I’ve never exactly been a fan, but I’ve always found the little electro-rat to be adorable. I was not prepared for just how cute this one was though. He’s so CHUBBY! Look at that thing. It’s vacant expression. The chubby body. He’s so stinking cute! Of course, I beat him into submission without much effort, but I have a new mission: I must have a Pikachu. I want him, and I want to poke him in his chubby belly. I don’t imagine this will be an easy task, especially the poking in the belly part since I can’t even DIG A FUCKING HOLE WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM SOME ASSHOLE I BARELY KNOW, but damn it, I’m going to try. 

I was asleep about 10 minutes later. Still haven’t decided if I’m going to start over when the digital versions come out. Time will tell.

Kris Randazzo

Kris is the Content Supervisor of Geekade. As an avid consumer of all things video game, Kris spent his formative years collecting cartridges, CDs, discs, and assorted paraphernalia in an effort to amass a video game collection large enough to kill an elephant. He works with Stone Age Gamer, writing for their blog and hosting the Stone Age Gamer Podcast right here at Geekade. He's also the host of the WaveBack Podcast, co-host of This Week's Episode, and can occasionally be found in the pages of Nintendo Force Magazine.

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